Are you, or have you been, the client of a sex worker? What led you to find a provider? Does your story go against stereotypes?
We want to hear from you!
Take a look at what others have shared, and send your own story using the form at the bottom of this page. We will keep all identifying information confidential, and will send an email to confirm before posting.
PLEASE NOTE: This page is not for posting reviews or advertisements. Opinions expressed are those of individual contributors, not necessarily of CoSWAC.
Puntress posted 9 Feb. 2017
All my friends see me as successful and happy. What many don’t know is the psychological abuse I endured as a child from my mum, and the fights she had with my dad that drove him to leave, making me feel abandoned. Trying to relate to men was so difficult, because I couldn’t bring myself to trust them for the longest time.
A mate I confided in suggested I see a male escort, ‘to get some practice for the real thing’. It took time for me getting over the thought of how dodgy it seemed, and then I did some online searching and rang up a young man, ‘Corey’.
I couldn’t help feeling nervous waiting for him. When we finally met, he was patient and assuring, letting me take the lead. After our first meet, I felt relaxed and relieved. Over time, he helped me become more confident and less anxious.
There have been some ups and downs with the ‘regular’ chaps I’ve dated, and times I’ve gone back to Corey between those relationships. Some I’m sure will think it’s unhealthy or immoral. I say they’re wrong. I’m happy, and Corey is slowly helping me to grow.
TomCat69 posted 23 Jan. 2017
A little about myself. I’m a mid-life professional with an advanced degree. While I’ll never be confused for Brad Pitt or Leonardo DiCaprio, I have gotten my share of compliments. I’m not at all shy, and I get along easily with others. I love art, all kinds of music – rock, blues, classical – fine food, wine, poetry, and sports. And I support a variety of charitable causes.
I bring that up because a lot of people make assumptions about guys who pay for sex. I’m not desperate or socially awkward; I simply enjoy the benefits of paid sex.
I had long been attracted to the idea of paying for sex. Maybe it was the belief – not always true – that someone who charges for sex must be exceptionally good at it. Maybe it was just the illicit nature of it all that appealed to me. Whatever the reason, it was an experience I didn’t want to miss out on, so I took the plunge.
I started at a massage parlor, where I received an excellent and very attentive massage, followed by a handjob. I enjoyed it thoroughly and liked the concept of contacting a parlor or spa whenever I felt like getting pampered and having a basic sexual encounter.
It wasn’t long before I graduated from body rubs and handjobs to providers who offered more. My first such appointment was disappointing, but the next few were successively better and better – and then I had a game-changing experience. The provider was warm, friendly, attentive, and sexually exciting. It was the type of experience I had been hoping for, and it opened the door to more top-of-the-line appointments.
Earlier, I mentioned the benefits of paid sex; there are several. For starters, I like the idea of having sex when I want to. Aside from having trouble getting an appointment with a provider when I want to, it’s pretty much a sure thing. I schedule a get-together, and there’s no doubt that sex will take place.
Being with escorts also means I can be with women of different sexual personalities. Some are slow and sensual, while others are on the wild side. And different providers are especially good at – or offer – different activities.
Sex is both natural and essential. It’s also fun–or, at least, it should be. There’s no reason that consenting adults should not be able to take part in an otherwise-legal practice simply because money is changing hands. Prostitution is the only activity I can think of that is illegal, even though the specific act involved – that of consensual sex between adults – is perfectly legal. And that needs to change.
PartyGuy posted 7 Jan. 2017
Just like having fun once in a while, that’s why I see sex workers. But I’d never do it with someone who’s being forced, or even someone who doesn’t enjoy their work. That’s why I support decriminalizing (thanks for the page clarifying the difference from “legalizing”). Guys like me should be able to report if they think someone is being abused or trafficked w/out being busted themselves.
Mr. FF posted 7 Jan. 2017
I am a married man in my forties, and a foot fetishist. When I told my wife, it caused a crisis in our marriage. We went to see a therapist, who helped my wife understand my fetish, and even suggested I have a “secondary partner” to provide an outlet for my love of feet.
That led to me seeing a prodomme, once or twice a month. My wife knows, it took her time to adjust, but she commented one night how it helped me be more relaxed, able to connect with her, more patient with our kids. I’d like for the two of them to meet, but that’s probably too much. What we have is working for all of us, so for all the people who would want to punish me for doing this, you’d be punishing my whole family.
Randy posted 7 Jan. 2017
My husband and I have hired men for threesomes once in a while. The men we’ve seen have all been wonderfully conscientious. One explained his thoughts that hiring a sex worker for threesome fantasies was much safer for couples emotionally than doing it with a friend or even a random pickup. I really like your “good clients” page, very helpful advice. We know because we’ve been following almost all those guidelines, and they work!
NCO posted 7 Jan. 2017
I am an Iraq war veteran, disabled by a head injury. Without going into detail, it’s made sex and relationships difficult, even if I can otherwise function. My VA doctor wondered if a “sex surrogate” would help, but there aren’t any where I live; either I’d have to move to California, or fly a trained surrogate here. So I looked for an escort, making it clear what I needed. I found a woman, about ten years older than me, who was a godsend. Two years of work with her gave me skills and confidence to start dating and a new relationship.
Something for military men to keep in mind: The Uniform Code of Military Justice puts heavy penalties on active service members paying for sex, or even being part of arranging it. A friend of mine more familiar with law says it’s way more harsh than any civilian laws, because a handful of radical feminists pushed for them.
I’ll bet none of these feminists have even been in the military, know what injured vets like me have gone through, or have any idea how seeing a skilled compassionate woman helped me. I don’t think they even care about people like me, or the women trying to make a living like the one I was blessed to know.
Alman posted 7 Jan. 2017
I was happily married for four years. We were parents to a beautiful pair of twins. Life couldn’t be better.
One day, my wife put our twins in the car, blew me a kiss, and drove to the pediatrician’s office. I took my car to work. Later that morning, a police officer came to see me. “There’s been an accident.” Suddenly, the most precious thing in my life – my lovely family – was gone.
The grief and loneliness were so overwhelming, I needed medication. It was as if every bone in my body were shattered, as if I’d been in that car with them. Several times, holding the bottle of pills in my hand, I wondered if I just took the whole thing at once. But I knew that my wife would not want that for me. She’d want me to keep on living. So I kept on living, even with the pain of not having her or our children with me.
I don’t remember what led me to call the service (that whole time was such a haze). I know I just called, and started talking to whoever was at the other end. She tried her best to listen and be sympathetic, but she then asked if I wanted an appointment, and I remember saying something like “No, I’m not up for that.”
And then Stacey called. It was maybe a week later. She was one of their escorts, and she had heard about me and wanted to make sure I was okay. She told me that if I wanted to see her, just call the service, she’d come and see me. A few days later, I was feeling so down, holding the bottle of meds, I picked up the phone and called her. An hour later, she came.
I saw her for a little over a year, but I never had sex with her for much of that time. Sometimes we’d just lie in my bed, with her holding me, listening and comforting me. She let me cry, scream, smash a couple of pieces of furniture, and stayed with me. One day, she went with me to my wife’s grave, and I was incredibly touched when she placed a small stone there.
It was the last three appointments that we slept together. It was almost a way of letting go of my wife, of moving on. The last time Stacey and I were together, I gave her a special gift to thank her for the blessings she provided, helping me rebuild my life. She cried, hugging me for several minutes. She told me I’d been a blessing in her life, too, seeing me through all of this.
Ben E. Factor posted 7 Jan. 2017
I’m a financially independent divorced man, approaching 60. I’ve been a “sugar daddy” to three young women, all of whom paid for their college or graduate education by “compensated” dating. My wife had left me two years before when I answered an ad for my first companion; when we parted amicably two years later, I continued to see young ladies this way, and expect to keep doing so. Yes, sometimes it gets sexual, but not always. It’s a mutual arrangement, and I don’t mind paying someone to be with me. Some of these young women insist what they do isn’t prostitution, but others say it doesn’t matter to them, as long as both people are happy. I agree! I’m not just pleased to have a lovely lady by my side, I’m delighted I can help them financially to achieve their educational and life goals. If it’s all consenting and above board, there shouldn’t be any laws against it.
Violet posted 7 Jan. 2017
Since I was 12, I had a fantasy about being kidnapped and raped by a couple. I don’t know what prompted it, I saw therapists to try to get rid of it, until reading that these kinds of fantasies were more common than people think. I had fallen in love, and when we became engaged, I just had this incredible urge to act this out before getting married. So I called around to different escorts, found one woman who knew a man she could work with, and we set up an abduction and rape scene fitting my fantasy. What was really amazing was afterwards, when the two of them sat and talked with me, making sure I was okay emotionally as well as physically. It was so freeing to act this out, and now I feel more open with my husband.
I’m so glad you have with website, and that you’re fighting to make this fully legal. If this sort of thing is done with care and consent, I know many more people would benefit. There’s nothing wrong with sex, so there shouldn’t be anything wrong with making a living to help others act out their fantasies.
AVS posted 21 Dec. 2016
It took me a long time to get to this point. My family would call me painfully shy; it’s hard for me to even speak to people. Asking for a date is unthinkable. I wanted sex, and touching, but I couldn’t think of any way to get it.
The first time I tried, I went to where street prostitutes would wait for customers. But I couldn’t even get the nerve to talk, and they were so aggressive. I tried several times, then gave up.
When there was a porno theatre where I lived, I’d go and hope to find someone there, but no luck. There’d be guys doing stuff to each other; one or two made passes at me, but that’s not what I wanted.
Then there were agencies, and online ads, but I’d have to call the person, and I was too nervous to talk on the phone. It was painful, and I was beginning to think I was hopeless.
I managed to answer an ad, and went to the hotel to see the woman. Then I saw two cops leading a guy out in handcuffs. I nearly had a heart attack. I sat in the hotel lobby, scared stiff, for almost an hour before I ran out.
Finally, I saw a website for an escort in the area, and she had an online form to write to her. I took the time to compose a message, very carefully explaining my situation, pasted it in the form, and sent it. She responded, asked if we could meet for coffee. I said yes, and we made a date. She would ask questions, very gently, and I would answer; sometimes I’d have to write them down, but she’s such an understanding lady, she had no problem.
I’ve seen her now four times. She is incredibly gentle and encouraging, I just can’t begin to tell what it’s like now.
I spent eight years trying to find someone to be with, just to be tender with me, and help me through this. The struggle and the loneliness were so bad, I often considered ending it; I came close once, walking along a bridge, but a taxi driver stopped and asked if I was all right, spooked me but kept me from going over. It’s a good thing, because now I have someone to help me, giving me something to look forward to, and a reason to hope that I can go forward.
Ex-Rev posted 20 Dec. 2016
I was a Preacher’s Kid, with high expectations to become a minister myself. What I couldn’t share was that I was gay. I cared about my wife and our children, but my marriage was just a show. I knew that it was too risky to start an affair. I started seeing male hustlers and escorts, always making sure I never saw the same twice (as much as I wanted to). It gave me the comforting release I needed, but I could still claim “it was just one time” if I was ever caught. The men I saw did indeed comfort me, not just with sex, but support and encouragement. I was eventually caught, forced to take a leave of absence from ministry. Getting busted actually put me where I needed to be, to think over what to do. I found a way to leave ministry, the church, and my marriage, and start over. It took time, but I am now more at peace and contented than I’ve ever been. The men I hired didn’t just comfort me, they helped me find my true self.
Geek posted 19 Dec. 2016
I’ve been married for a long time (35 years). I have not had a physical relationship with my wife for about 9 years now. It isn’t because we hate each other or she’s a b***h or anything like that. The reasons are layered but the main cause is her illness. She says that part of her life is over. Well, it isn’t for me.
After 3 years of celibacy I broke down and contacted a sex worker. She was a bright, confident, engaging woman who seemed to clearly be in charge of her own life. That changed my life. I have seen sex workers since then. I have also had the difficult conversations with my wife to explain this. She believes all sex work is exploitative and disapproves but understands and has said “I just don’t want to know anything about it”. Our relationship is different now but in some ways is better than before. We are affectionate and loving with each other, there is just no sex.
Seeing sex workers keeps me sane and is the most honest way I can think to resolve my problem. There is no emotional dishonesty or entanglement and I can stay with my wife as long as we both continue to love one another, which I hope will be until we die.
The sex workers I have seen have all been bright, strong, women running a business. I have learned from them and enjoyed their company beyond the simple exchange of sex for money. I will continue to see them, in spite of Canada’s criminalisation of buyers.
RG posted 19 Dec. 2016
From 18 to 43 tried to have “normal” relationships with women, but they never worked out because I prefer to be alone much of the time. I like to have women as friends, and I enjoy sex, but I am non-romantic and need lots of solo time.
The first escort I saw was understanding, charming, and I get the feeling she appreciated my emotional needs. I saw her once a month for six years, then she retired and referred me to two others, then I connected with a third. I see each one on a rotating basis, they are friends with one another (I’m not surprised, sex workers have a strong community here) and a couple times I even had two girls at once.
Our society is still stuck in outdated sexual morals, where everyone is expected to either be married to one person or celibate. It doesn’t fit with what we know about people now. We know some people are non-sexual, and some like me non-romantic. If the non-sexual-but-romantic person can get their needs met in relationships, why not the non-romantic-but-sexual ones? Sex workers offer a real service. I know from my own experience. Reading these others stories, I’m beginning to appreciate more how many different people they help.
Sue2 posted 19 Dec. 2016
In college, I worked in a peep-show booth, then did escorting through college and grad school. It was mostly for money, but there was an energy about it, too.
Sometime after we had our second child, my sex drive went through the roof. Unfortunately, that’s also when my husband’s went down. There was a lot of tension between us, I even proposed a threesome with another woman, admitting I was wanting to explore bisexuality. He just said no, and that was that.
So I set up a date with an escort. I told him I had to leave to see a sick friend, made a hotel reservation, and an appointment with an agency. I have my own business, so I can pay for all this without him knowing. It was an incredible weekend, and I felt more like myself.
I still see escorts a couple times a year. It keeps me in balance, and has even helped my marriage by taking pressures off. The women I spend time with are charming and intelligent, and there’s that energy from my own sex worker days. Those “feminists” who say it’s all about women being exploited, they don’t know the whole story. It’s about women taking care of ourselves as best as we can.
Will posted 5 Dec. 2016
Was brought up in a strict household where sex was never discussed. Absolutely never. My father insisted he would talk to his kids on their wedding night, because that’s how God wanted it. I was kicked out because I didn’t believe in God, luckily had friends to help me get on my feet. But I didn’t know how to approach someone for a date, or anything about sex, thanks to my crazy religious zealot father. Seeing sex workers helped me deal with the loneliness, some of them helped with social skills. Now I’m in a great relationship which wouldn’t be possible without those so-called “fallen” women.
Rodney posted 4 Dec. 2016
After 2 divorces and some other messy breakups, I figured I don’t want the drama of regular relationships, but I like being with a lady, so I take to seeing escorts. Some would do incall at a hotel, or I’d get my own room call an agency for outcall. Each time, I set up to meet her in the hotel bar or restaurant, talk and have a couple drinks, then go to the room for quality time alone. Very nice ladies, some I see semi-regular, always make sure I’m clean and tip well for their time and energy.
Couple of times, when I try to make a date, explain I want several hours company starting with drinks before going to the room, she says she’ll only do one hour and I have to come to the room. I always turn her down polite, say that’s not what I’m looking for, and end it there.
One night, I set up a date with a lady, she comes to the restaurant in jeans and sweatshirt, sits down and starts talking, pressuring me to tell her what I want. I’m saying I just want some female company, she starts pressing do you want sex? This is giving me the creeps, so I’m saying to her sorry this isn’t going to work out. Before I know it, these two guys come over, and they ask me what I’m doing, this gets me freaked out and don’t know what to say. They all three flash badges, walk me outside, the lady then starts lecturing me. Now I’m pissed because here these cops are making it like I’m some child molester or something, then they search me without consent, take the donation, tell me I got a chance to keep from having a record by doing a first-offender program.
I sign up for this program, and it’s a bunch of shit. They’re telling us these women spread disease, they all have pimps and got forced into it, some of them hate the guys so much they get violent on them, all that. I try to ask questions, like how they know all this is true, do they got the studies proving it, but they just say we all know it’s like this, just sit down and listen.
I’m so glad you posted this new page, you showed me I was right, this was all messed up. Thank you for doing this work! Guys like me are just looking for a nice time with a nice lady, not looking to do any harm.
Anyways now sticking to the escorts I knew from before, or get them to recommend someone, they even put in a good word for me. I’m happy doing what I do, and smarter about how I do it.
Luv2DATY posted 4 Dec. 2016
So I bet you’re getting a lot of stories now about John School since you put up the page, but nothing like this. I’m a butch dyke who likes to hire women once in a while for company, I know how they need the $$$ and my tech job pays me well, so I share the wealth and get some fun. Most times I call an escort, but once in a while pickup someone on the street, pay for a full night to talk and take turns going down. One night I got caught in a police sting, even though I didn’t openly talk about sex, they gave me a soliciting charge and gave me the option of John School to avoid criminal charges, so I said okay to that. When I showed up, they took my $$ and made me do HIV test, then the two women running the course were saying “this has to be a mistake, this is for johns, not women!” I said “I may be a woman, but I was busted for trying to pickup a hooker.” Then one of the cops who was there checked and saw I was on the list and had that arrest record, but the two women just kept insisting “This can’t be! Women don’t do this!” So they threw me out of John School, and I get worried they’re going to stick me with criminal charges, and I wondered if I should sue for discrimination. Anyway I kept checking and either they thought I went through the program or they lost the paperwork, I got no charges. So that’s my story, how I got out of John School because some morons think it’s all men paying women!!
PJ posted 4 Dec. 2016
Infrequently see escorts, glad to see this group is here. Men like us need to speak out, show respect and support for women who take this on. Very glad you put up john school material, telling the truth. We make so much commerce legal, it makes no sense to illegalize this.
Anonymous E posted 17 Nov. 2016
When I was in my late 20’s, my father was diagnosed with prostate cancer. The doctors told him that if they removed his prostate, he’d probably live, but never have an erection again. He told me he wasn’t going to have the surgery.
We went on a long walk. He basically said that he couldn’t imagine life without sex and he lamented all the things he’d never done sexually. He’d married my mother just before the sexual revolution hit and so had watched from the sidelines, since my mother insisted on strict monogamy.
I talked him into having the surgery, but I learned far more about his sexuality than most sons would ever want to know.
I was also single at the time, and the thought of being in his shoes at some point in the future scared me. I decided that I needed to knock off my ‘bucket list’ fantasies before I ended up in a relationship.
That led to me heading to a Nevada brothel a year later for a threesome with two of the top online rated courtesans. It was an amazing sexual experience–pure erotic play and sensuality.
Several years later, and several similar bucket list items crossed off with providers, I met my wife. Like my mother, she wants monogamy. Unlike my father, I don’t have to wonder about what I’ve missed.
Larry B. posted 16 Nov. 2016
When my boyfriend of 15 years left me, I was despondent beyond belief. Trying to date was a struggle. Eventually, I hired a male escort for a night. It was so cathartic to touch and be touched, no need to prove anything. I kept seeing him, and he helped me break through a wall of insecurity and fear. In time, I found the confidence to go back into dating, and entered another relationship. I’m single again now, but feel more competent and together. A good part of that is because of that escort I saw. Tony, if you’re reading this, I still can’t thank you enough!
John and Jane Doe posted 16 Nov. 2016
When we talked about getting married, sex was a big topic. That’s because we both have disability issues affecting how we’re physically close. We went through counseling, read a lot of books on human sexuality, but in the end we needed hands-on work.
So we hired an escort. We actually interviewed people, finding someone who was patient and empathetic. A lot of our time with her was spent talking and doing nonsexual exercises. She guided us so well, it didn’t seem to us to take as long as it did.
We’ve now been married ten years, with a lovely daughter, and we owe it to that wonderful woman. Why shouldn’t we have hired her? People offer their skills and experience in all sorts of ways. We understand that doing that for sex makes some people uneasy. But is that reason enough to deprive others of the chance for happiness?
Buck R. Roo posted 16 Nov. 2016
There aren’t any big cities or flashy call girls where I live, but we do have hookers. They are women just trying to earn enough for food and stuff, just like guys like me come to them for some fun and comfort. Even out here in the mountains we got folks talking about trafficking, but just about every gal I see here is local and don’t have a pimp. One of them told me history of the brothels that used to be all over the territory and state before they got made illegal. Still don’t understand how that helped anybody.
Audrey posted 16 Nov. 2016
Growing up the daughter of a Southern Baptist preacher, having crushes on other girls, it was so tough figuring things out. During college, I would occasionally go into the city to find a prostitute. The first one I approached thought I was joking, but one of her friends came over and said she’d party with me and we went to a cheap motel. She called herself Rachel, curly red hair and what a smile! I was scared and elated all at once, for the first time being physical with somebody felt natural. I would come back to her many times over a year, almost fell in love with her, but then she moved on. Began seeing a few more until I got caught by the police, they thought I was hooking too. I cried nonstop in the jail, terrified, thinking this was the end of everything. A lady cop figured I wasn’t a streetwalker, convinced her supervisor I was arrested by mistake, then gave me a phone number for the area P-FLAG chapter. I still think about Rachel, so tender and patient with me, helped me feel at home in my own skin, and kept me going.
PeterPiper posted 16 Nov. 2016
Noticed just about all stories here about escorts. Working stiff here, find some pleasure with girls on the street, sometimes talk with them and get to know a little about their lives. Lots of single moms, lots with problems and this is their best way to keep it going. Don’t judge us, help these women stay safe. Jail is no place for them.
Sue posted 8 Nov. 2016
It’s difficult coming out kinky, especially where I used to live. I saw a professional dominatrix for almost four years, she was an enormous help, not just the sessions, but connecting me with the community and giving me advice. I’ve since moved to a major city where there’s a huge BDSM community, now in a wonderful relationship, even somewhat out at work. It is such a different mindset about sex work among kinksters, because prodommes have such status and there’s an understanding that not everyone can get needs met without paying, not everyone’s situation is the same. Two years ago, at a convention, I was able to meet my former prodomme (she was teaching a workshop). We hugged for the longest time, I introduced her to my partner, who hugged her and thanked her for all she did for me. It’s still not a safe world for sexual outsiders, whether BDSM or full-service sex work. We need to come together to make that happen.
Charlie posted 6 Nov. 2016
There are good clients and bad clients. I’ve always tried to be a good one, because I respect what my providers have to offer. They are doing a service, and it’s not an easy one, and I’d rather pay more for someone who likes what they do and does it well.
I remember one lady I’d see regularly, she had had to put off our date and when she did see me, something was still off. She told me it wasn’t me, but that some of her clients who were assholes were giving her a hard time.
“I get it,” I told her. “I have assholes clients in my line of work, too, and some of them, I just tell them to go elsewhere.”
“I wish I could afford to do that,” she said to me, “maybe I should charge more.”
I said, “Honestly, you should! You’re worth it, you know I’d pay you more, and I bet you’d get more clients who treat you right so you could dump the assholes.”
So she did, and it worked! She actually made more money, with less stress, was able to get her degree and retire from escorting (and we still keep in touch, good friends).
If you’re a client, be a good one! Pay what your provider asks, show up on time, don’t ask them to do what they’re not willing to do, take a shower and brush your teeth, bring a gift, be safe and help your provider be safe. And to all the great providers out there, THANK YOU! Don’t let the assholes of the world bring you down.
HM posted 5 Nov. 2016
Friend of mine directed me to your site, not because I am a client, but because of why I now support making prostitution legal.
4 years ago I flew to visit a friend, rented a car, and started driving to his place. The GPS wasn’t working well, so I tried calling my friend but got his voicemail, then I pulled over to where a woman was standing on the corner and asked her for directions. She was helpful, and I thanked her and drove off. 5 minutes later, the cops pull me over and arrest me for soliciting!
I called my friend at the station, and within an hour, he was there with an attorney and his cell phone, and he played the voicemail message which clearly recorded my asking the female undercover cop for directions and her response. The lawyer was in top form, threatening to file lawsuits and call the media. Needless to say, the charges got dropped very quickly.
Unfortunately, it didn’t end there. The cops had impounded the rental car, and were taking their sweet time returning it. My friend again called his lawyer, who called the rental car company, who connected him to their lawyer. Next thing you know, the cops in that city got slapped with a court order to return the car to the rental company or be charged with grand larceny.
The police in this city are notorious for corruption, and they exploit drug laws, prostitution laws and asset seizure laws to their advantage. This incident has definitely steered me to become more libertarian, because the more power we give the government over our lives, the more abuse comes from it. Thank you for providing all this info, and speaking up about this!
Harry K. posted 2 Nov. 2016
I can’t speak for all sex worker clients here in NZ, only for myself, but from my vantage point the 2003 reforms have had a positive effect. The women feel better about their work and safety, and it’s easier talking over what you want and can do. We’re doing it right down here, and for the sake of sex workers everywhere (and their clients) here’s hoping the rest of the world catches on!
Alex posted 30 Oct. 2016
I’m a personal care attendant for disabled and chronically ill patients. Some years ago, I was caring for an elderly couple. The wife had advanced Alzheimer’s, and the husband was recovering from a stroke. Within a month of my coming on, she no longer recognized him, even seemed afraid of him. It was heartbreaking to see her pull away whenever he tried to put his arm around her or hold her hand.
During my third month with them, the husband started taking time out, saying he was spending the night with friends. It seemed to help, because he became less despondent and irritable, more relaxed and easy-going. At that time, I wondered if he was dating someone, but figured it wasn’t my business. Whatever he was doing, it was working for him, and I wasn’t going to interfere.
It was seven months in that I found out, when he came home very agitated. He told me then that his “nights out” he would go to a hotel downtown, and hire an escort to spend the night with him. On this night, however, a hotel employee reported this to the police, leading to his arrest. The police then called to inform his wife; I took the call and told them to come over in person. By this time, the wife was practically catatonic. When the officers saw her I was sure they’d sympathize and drop the charges. They didn’t! They insisted that they couldn’t make any exceptions, because the department was so committed to “fighting sex trafficking” in the city.
The stress of all this led to him having another stroke, more severe than before, and he wound up hospitalized. I went to the ADA arguing this was inhumane, they should drop the charges, but all she would do was agree to postponing arraignment. While we waited, his wife died in her sleep, and his condition declined rapidly. His son refused to see him because of his arrest, while his daughter lived out of state and was only able to visit him once.
He did have one other visitor – the woman who was arrested with him. I came in one time to see her standing at his bedside, holding his hand and stroking his hair. So moving, how tender she was with him! We spoke briefly, and she told me she had another client in a similar situation, but now with her arrest and the cops watching her every move, she had to stop seeing him. When visiting hours were over, I offered to talk with her over coffee, but she declined, so I never got to learn more about this woman.
Reading the stories before this is what motivated me to share my story. Nursing and home health care are called “caring professions” but I now know that can be said of sex work. I am still overcome with how callous the police and prosecutors were in this case. These laws, and the way they are enforced, are so cruel, and they have to be wiped off the books. So I’m writing this in this man’s memory, because he and others like him deserve better.
Pohaku posted 29 Oct. 2016
A good and close provider friend asked me, “Why do you refer to providers as if they are a very special different breed of human being and assume they react differently from anyone else? You should not get all hung up on their occupation just because it involves sex, basically we are just like anyone else.”
I heard from another provider that an older client friend decided he will only have intimate relationships with provider women for the rest of his life.
After comparing the anti-transactional sex campaign and their opinion, and the way a negative client debases providers and their work, I realized they share exactly the same philosophy that segregates and isolates sex workers from the rest of women. They also share flawed and generalized assumptions about sex workers (all sex workers hate their work and their clients, all sex workers are addicted to something, majority of sex workers were sexually abused as a child and so damaged that they can’t make good decisions for herself, etc.). These statements show me that both groups are seeking ways to deny sex workers a basic respect as individuals.
I can relate to this older clients decision. Transactional sex has a way to separate sexual desire from love (not the romantic kind, more like love for fellow human being kind) It has tendencies to clarify both. Some of us appreciate this clarification. I like to call it radical honesty. Very few people can approach sex with honesty and compassion. Of all people you have better chance of finding such a person among sex workers.
FU posted 26 Oct. 2016
Greetings from Sweden, home of the ‘sex purchase law’ declaring the buying of sex to be a form of ‘violence against women’ even when the woman says yes. The result? There are now more men selling sex (to men and women both) than women! No wonder I can avoid arrest, with police only going after women who sell and men who buy, and especially women from Asia and Africa so they can deport them. This is stupid, Sweden putting herself up as liberal and liberated on sex, then repressing people for sex because there is money involved. Would you arrest a man for buying a woman a drink or dinner, if she then agrees to sex with him? Stupid!
Nick posted 18 Oct. 2016
Ever since my teens, I had this desire to be spanked. I don’t know why, I was never spanked by my parents, and I would never spank my kids, but somehow it just got into my head and I can’t shake the desire. I had thought about sharing this with my wife, but once we were watching this talk show where one of the guests talked about loving being spanked, and she was absolutely disgusted. It still bothers me I can’t even talk to her about this, I love her so much and our life with our kids.
The first woman I hired to spank me was a streetwalker. First I asked her if she had a hotel room or something, and she said I’d have to pay for one, then I told her no sex, just spank me. She got this smile, like it was funny, then she said OK and we went to this fleabag motel where she spanked me for about 10-15 minutes. I saw other women on the street, but it was always so dicey, then the police where I live began cracking down on them, so I had to stay clear.
Now I have monthly sessions with an incall escort who does dominance stuff. She’s sweet and smart, listens to me, likes to do role-playing, and she’s careful about avoiding marks. We’ve also gotten to talking about what goes on in our lives outside of sessions, and I learn so much from her, I feel so lucky to know her. In some ways, my seeing her has helped my marriage, because I’ve learned from her how to communicate better, and getting this release takes lots of the pressure off of me, but the secrecy and the guilt is still a burden, I don’t know what would happen if it all came out.
I wish I could be more upfront about all this. I wish it could be that the women offering this service were supported and not made criminals, and that we had more open-mindedness about sex and what turns people on. Please keep doing this. Thank you for letting me share.
Rick Pettit posted 11 Oct. 2016
My name is Rick Pettit, and I am a client of sex workers. I am in my 60s, divorced, and unattached. I run my own one-person moderately-unsuccessful service business in a small town in New England. I’m just an ordinary person – not exceptionally “beautiful” or “ugly”, not particularly well-off financially, and certainly not a hub of criminal activity. I am not a “pervert”. I do not “eye little girls with bad intent” like Aqualung. I do not abuse the women I spend time with. Most importantly, I do not “buy” anyone’s body. (There’s not enough room in my closet) I am in favor of total decriminalization of sex work. I try to actively engage the general public in discussion about the facts of sex work, and try to actively dispel the misinformation put forth by those who want to prohibit it for various reasons, some well-meaning but misdirected, some just for profit. The image portrayed in various media of drooling, sleazy “perverts” taking advantage of damaged, drug-ridden providers is meant to herd and de-humanize both sex workers and clients. We are ALL people with lives and feelings, and, yes, bills to pay. In America, money = a level of security = a level of empowerment. The money I give a sex worker makes her life easier, and the time she spends with me has more value than any material wealth to me. My life would be much poorer spiritually without the encounters I’ve shared with the women I have had the great privilege of meeting. I have made many friends in the sex work community, and I will support them however I can. I will continue to do my part by speaking out against the criminalization and stigma sex workers face. I am not afraid to show my face. I am not afraid to use my real name. I am an adult, and how I choose to spend my time and money is MY FUCKING BUSINESS. If I can share a moment or two of pleasure in exchange for a little financial support for a friend, it makes my pleasure all the more complete. I do not speak as a representative for any group – this is my voice only. Let’s recap. My name is Rick Pettit and I support safe, consensual sex work and those who practice it, because you’re supposed to support your friends. Thanks!
Mark posted 11 Oct. 2016
Hello my name is Mark. I am a man with cerebral palsy who hires escorts for sex and massage and conversation. For people who think why don’t I wait for the right woman to come along try to put yourself in my place. I can’t move I need other people to use a lift to take me out of bed or my wheelchair my limbs spasm and it’s a big effort to talk people have to be patient listening to me. Most of the escorts I see are very kind and patient they make me happy and relaxed. The relaxing is very important because I have spastic CP. I have a couple favorite escorts very nice ladies we have become friends. I don’t judge anyone who sees escorts we all have the need for someone to be close and if they are willing to be paid for it why not? I have been reading the other stories here and very glad you are doing this.
BayAreaBob posted 11 Oct. 2016
In the 1980s, I lost my lover of fifteen years to AIDS, and then found out I had the virus myself. Seeing other friends dying and grieving, it was impossible to date again, and yet I needed physical closeness to carry me through this. I started hiring male escorts, and each time I’d be up front with them: “I have the AIDS virus; I can understand if you don’t want to have sex with me; I just need someone to hold and talk to.” A number of guys turned me down, but a number of them stayed, and the third guy who spent the night with me educated me on staying safe. So now I had a better idea on how to negotiate sex. There was one young man I was with, I gave him my opening, he said it was all right, and then as we were getting ready, he broke down and cried. He told me he’d seen eighteen friends die in the previous month, and he was afraid to get tested himself. I had paid him to comfort me, and I wound up comforting him – but that itself was incredibly healing for me. I saw him a few more times, until he moved away, and now even though he’s four hundred miles away, we’re still friends and still keep in touch. Whether gay or straight, sex workers provide a very necessary service. I’m blessed to have survived AIDS, and to have been part of the activism that found effective treatments and preventions, and broken the stigma. It’s time we do that now for sex workers.
OrdinaryGuy posted 6 Oct. 2016
When I was a student at Columbia, I started dating a woman from Barnard. She came across as smart and confident, both qualities I found attractive, because I was very shy and inexperienced about dating and sex. The first couple of months were great, and she talked a lot about her passion for feminism. Over time, though, I started feeling boxed in, like she was taking more and more control in the relationship, making me feel guilty and insignificant. In the beginning, our sex was uninhibited and fun; then she took control, it became less frequent, less enjoyable, more on her schedule and demands. Breakup? Forget it! She made not-so-subtle hints that she’d badmouth me to everyone we knew.
I just couldn’t stand it anymore. So I started trolling Times Square, sometimes dropping into the porn shops and peep shows, until I got the courage to approach a hooker. Overall, I didn’t like my quickies with them, but it gave me an outlet, even though I’d feel horribly guilty afterwards.
Then I saw the escort ads in the Village Voice (this was during the day when they were still “alternative”). I started calling around, until I arranged a date with a woman close to my age. It was pricey, but I enjoyed being with her, not just the sex but how open she was to talk with me. I began to see her once a month, arranging to stay the night with her, enjoying dinner and conversation and tender lovemaking.
Start of our junior year, my so-called girlfriend called it off, declaring herself a lesbian. There was this weird mix of emotions I was feeling, relief with anger, and this confusion about feminism. I kept seeing Katie the escort, and she helped me find both balance and confidence. We kept in touch after I stopped being a client, until she moved to the West Coast.
I started dating again in my senior year, and started a relationship with a self-identified “sex-positive feminist” who did erotic photography. When I shared with her that I’d paid for sex, she seemed okay with it at first, then began really probing discussions, and later thanked me for helping her confront her own preconceived ideas about prostitution. We’re still together, with a baby on the way.
As I was writing this, my partner and I began talking about this episode of my past. I asked her what she would do if she ever ran into Katie. “I’d give her a big hug and a thank you, because she helped you become the man I fell in love with.”
Carl posted 29 Sept. 2016
My name is Carl, and I am a person with autism. I’m relatively high-functioning, but I have problems communicating and relating with other people. I also have sensory processing disorder, focused around touching. So this makes sex and intimacy difficult for me. I can’t get my needs met trying to date someone, even when they understand I have autism, they think I’m impaired in other ways. I would start seeing prostitutes on the street. I would have a note written out to explain my condition and what I would want. I found them more patient and understanding, even when they didn’t want to have sex with me. One prostitute I met agreed to see me, and told me her brother has autism. I see her regularly every two weeks, and it’s really good. I’m getting sexual release, and she asks me questions about her brother which I try to answer for her. Prostitution should not be illegal. The women who do it provide something needed for people like me, and lots of others. If it were legal, then there would be less problems. More prostitutes could have education on how to help people with disabilities.
ozqueer posted 22 Sept. 2016
As a young woman struggling with my sexual & gender identity back in the late 80’s I started seeing sex workers mainly due to me being more attracted to “straight” looking feminine women who were few & far between here in Australia. I was also quite shy & socially awkward so it was an easier option to get my needs met than trying to pick up. Things have changed now & there is alot more diversity amongst queer women so its gotten easier for me. But without that option back then I never would’ve developed the confidence in my social & sexual skills to start dating more. Sex workers provide a vital service to society & need to be supported & most importantly, not criminalized in any way.
PeterPunter posted 21 Sept. 2016
Since my divorce, I’ve been traveling much more, and often spend time with a professional lady when doing so. While in New Zealand, I connected with a kind young lady, and after a nosh and a chat we went to my hotel. She began with a massage, when I began to feel some tightness in my chest. I told her about it, and that I was a heart patient. Immediately she calmly told me to relax, undid my shirt, and called the hotel desk for help. Soon after I lay on the bed, I blacked out. I learned from the paramedics that she stayed with me, monitored my pulse and breathing, and told the paramedics everything that happened. “She saved your life,” they told me. I live in a country where the legal status is ambiguous, and radical feminists are trying to push for the Nordic model. I can only imagine if this had happened at home, or in any country where it was illegal.
OzBrewer posted 21 Sept. 2016
I met my wife at university. She was the first person I had sex with, and the only person for 5 years until my stag party in Amsterdam. I wanted to see what sex was like with someone else before I was married. My wife had had more lovers than I, so even though we never spoke of it I thought it’s only fair I get one go. It wasn’t particularly satisfying, probably not helped by knowing my mates (and my dad) were waiting outside. A few years later, my work had me overseas for months on end. Working 6 days a week for months in a foreign land with not much to do on a night off, things happen. I resisted for a long while, but then succumbed to the charms of a very nice young lady. She probably wouldn’t describe herself as an escort or sex worker, there’s a very different state of mind in West Africa. She was educated and supporting a family and I supported her with meals, gifts and we had fun. Being West Africa, safe sex was always a consideration for us both. I did feel guilty, my wife was still in the UK, but again, she’s had more experience than I have, not much of an excuse I admit. More years passed and we moved to Australia. Again business in Sydney, alone, getting settled into my job. I’d considered my sexuality in the past, but never had the opportunity to do anything about it. In Sydney, many opportunities are available to those who look for it, and I did. I had my first experience with a transgender woman, and it was wonderful. She was charming, beautiful and considerate. This did confirm to me that while I love my wife with my heart and soul, there is another side to me that likes to do other things. Since that time in Sydney I met with two more transwomen, and each experience was just as fun. All three were absolutely lovely ladies and I reminisce fondly of the experience. My experiences with sex workers seems to coincide with business and where my life and career is in turmoil. I had to go to Brisbane to work with an unpleasant organisation to do a job that was going to be the end of my career. Having nothing to look forward to on these trips I researched and found a brothel that looked promising. This location became the only highlight of my regular trips north. The ladies were lovely, took great care of me and I had lots of fun. Once my career ended, I was in a funk, my relationship was strained and intimacy was sporadic. I found another brothel in NSW and visited a couple of times. Once again the ladies and establishment were top notch and having this opportunity helped my relationship at home. We moved back to the UK and the intimate relationship with my wife did not improve. I looked at adultwork and did the research. Over 18 months I met a number of absolutely wonderful ladies, including a bisexual couple. Some of the ladies I absolutely adore and saw them more than once, I am regular and faithful with those I really like. I really only wish I could have seen all of them more often. I never once had a bad experience with any of these lovely ladies (and gent in the case of the couple) This recent experience, over the last couple of years, has helped me realise what I like sexually, I’d describe myself as selectively bisexual, and what I appreciate in my marriage. Domestically we’ve since moved back to Australia, changed jobs, circumstances, etc., and my relationship with my wife in all aspects is better than ever. I don’t regret any time I’ve spent with escorts over the recent years, each and every one of them has been absolutely wonderful, educated, skilled, witty, charming and worth every penny. They have all helped me understand who I am and be a better person in my relationship with wife. I think if I hadn’t been able to step out and have these experiences with sex workers my relationship with my wife would not have lasted this long. In my experience sex workers are fantastic and to be applauded, appreciated and respected for the work they do. Sorry for the long post, I’ve never had the opportunity to put this into words.
Playgirl posted 20 Sept. 2016
Success in one area often means sacrifice in another. For a woman, being successful in business often means that men find you too intimidating for relationships. An added irony I found is that being single can be seen as a liability for a businesswoman. And, being human, I have my needs. So yes, I hire the occasional male escort to accompany me at special events, and in private. I’m selective about who I’m with, frequently becoming a “regular” for some very handsome and talented gentlemen. I like them, I enjoy being with them, I learn from them, and they help me achieve balance in my life. I started seeing these men for pleasure and presentation. I got a lot more … and no regrets.
DownLowMan posted 20 Sept. 2016
During my first marriage, I would see male escorts and hustlers on the side. This was decades ago, I was still in the closet about being bi, and my relationship to my wife had been breaking down for some time. After the divorce, I spent a lot of time in the gay community, but wasn’t fully welcomed as a bi man. Still, I did find nonjudgmental support from the sex workers I’d see. I’m now in a poly triad with a man and a woman, happily out and fulfilled. I do think the guys I paid to see helped me greatly in my transition, and I thank them for that.
RickK posted 18 Sept. 2016
Some say that romance can’t last, but my wife’s and mine did. We were deeply in love through decades of health and through the decade of her decline, all the way to her eventual death from incurable illness. In the last years, I cared for her when she was unable to speak or move. I was so lonely. At my kids’ suggestion, I tried online dating. The women I found there didn’t want to be with me, because my wife was still alive, and most of them didn’t trust enough to really care, because they’d been disappointed in multiple unsuccessful relationships with men.
Searching for alternatives, even outside my previous experience, I came across an escort online who, from her words, seemed intelligent and compassionate, was in her work by choice, and enjoyed it. The first time we met, I felt an enormous burden fall from my shoulders. For the first time in years, I was able to converse, touch and be in the presence of a woman as beautiful, insightful and emotionally open as my wife had been. I realized how much I’d missed that and was so grateful. I’ve seen her regularly for a couple of years. With her advice and guidance, I subsequently saw a number of other providers, so I wouldn’t be inappropriately dependent on her. That led eventually to another wonderful, sustained relationship. Without the presence of these women, I can’t imagine how I would have survived the loss and despair. Now, after my wife’s death, no doubt I’d be in grief so deep that I couldn’t function. But I’m not. I’m productive, creative, even happy. I can be strong and positive for my kids, who have lost their mom.
As they saw the effects on me and listened to my stories, my friends and family have come to understand sex work as they never had before. I’m fortunate that my sister, kids, doctor and therapist are all supportive.
The professional providers with whom I’ve developed a close connection are in loving, committed relationships with their life partners. So they themselves know the kind of romance that I had with my wife. They maintain warm, caring, honest, upfront relationships with their clients. They have enormous capacity to be truly giving and trusting in relationship. They’re healthier emotionally than the women I’ve dated who are not sex workers.
Totally opposite the standard narrative!
The day after my wife died, I wrote to a friend, “Imagine a society in which the caring of these women were generally available for the lonely and grieving. And the people in this work were respected commensurate with the good they do.”
It seems bizarre that relationships so fulfilling and supportive for all involved could be considered immoral or illegal. How to get the outside world to see this, I don’t know. Hopefully, this website will help.
OpnCpl posted 18 Sept. 2016
Hi, glad to add our voice here. We definitely do not fit the stereotype! We are a straight couple, happily married 12 years, who are sexually adventurous and unashamed of it. When the wife brought up the idea of a threesome, we thought and talked about how to go about it with as little complication as possible. The solution we came up with was to hire an escort. We first sat down with her for coffee, talking about comfort levels and expectations. We liked both her personality and her no-nonsense approach. When the big day came, it was a wonderful experience for everyone! We’ve since become regular clients, sharing a night every 1-2 months. She’s even guided us in other areas, from bondage to sexual health and communication. It’s so incredible how she’s helped to enhance our relationship!
DIVORCED AFTER 30+ YEARS posted 17 Sept. 2016
The last 5 years of my marriage were a living hell of no romance or intimacy, no matter how hard I tried to appease my partner. Even marriage counseling did no good. Last ditch effort was a trip to Paris … I was just a travel companion with no affection shown. So I decided to seek a sex worker. After several months of looking and reading reviews, I finally took the plunge. It was the best thing I ever did. The lady was very understanding and patient with me. Needless to say, I continued to see her frequently through my separation and divorce over an 18 month period. We became good friends and enjoyed each other’s company for outside activities. She has since left the SW service, but we still maintain our friendship several years later. Currently I utilize two different SW ladies for my recreation and for the social aspects of the relationships. I could not imagine my life without these caring and dedicated ladies that provide such a GFE session. I’ve become good friends with both. I actually have enlisted the services of two of the ladies for different trips out of town for relaxation and sight-seeing. They are the perfect travel companions and provide all of the intimacy I could ever want … and then some. As a matter of fact, I have two more trips planned this year and will take each one separately on one of the trips. For me, the travel is so much more enjoyable because the intimacy aspects are never a concern and we can really enjoy ourselves on the other activities.
YoungAtHeart posted 17 Sept. 2016
I’m 73 years old and amicably ended a 35 year relationship about 3 years ago. Although physically slowed down a bit, my desire for a physical and emotional experience is undiminished. I must also admit that I, perhaps shallowly, am not sexually attracted to women close to my age. I discussed my frustration with my therapist and we talked about the usual “how to meet women” solutions and I somewhat jokingly mentioned escorts. To my surprise she said nothing negative, but actually encouraged me to look into it. To make a long story short, I have been seeing sex workers roughly every six weeks since, and it has turned my life and mood around. I want to emphasize how important my supportive therapist has been to me. No, she is in no way a sex therapist, just an intelligent and open minded person, perhaps like many we never hear about but are allies for decriminalization.
R.G. posted 16 Sept. 2016
My wife and I married young while we were in college, and our mutual lack of experience meant we didn’t know what we were missing. She became sick with ALS, surviving just past our 22nd anniversary, after which I spent another three years overcome with grief and wondering how I’d live alone. Finally my loneliness became too much, and I answered an ad from a “discrete professional companion” in my area. It was the best decision I ever made. This sensitive and patient young lady helped me to heal, and to rediscover joy and confidence. I’m now in a long-term relationship with a woman, and I’m convinced this wouldn’t be possible without my provider.
Traveling Man posted 16 Sept. 2016
I am 34 years old, travel considerably for business, and see escorts when on long trips. I’m a regular customer for three escorts, each in a different city. They are intelligent, sensual and classy ladies, and I have no regrets seeing them. I’m sure some judge me for not having a “stable relationship” but with the time I devote to my work, does it make sense to put someone else through that?
QueerJane posted 16 Sept. 2016
Women see hookers, too! In the 1950s, especially down South, many times the only way a young dyke could get some loving was to dress butch and stroll into the red-light district to pick someone up. Lots of the working girls were more willing to be with a female client. A big reason for dressing butch was for protection, because if you looked like a guy you were more likely to be warned off like the “other johns” there. But you still had to be careful, don’t let cops find out you’re a butch dyke, then it would get real bad! I’m eighty-four now, don’t need to pay for it, but have fond memories of the girls I paid back then. Queer folks have come a long way, now hookers and johns need their rights. Keep this up, we need to change things and stop persecuting people for getting what they need!